Road to Wellness.. Challenging week for me...

I feel like crying right now.  I am feeling down.  Today is Thursday, 4th day of the work week. And I just took my anti anxiety pill for the 3rd straight day.  And this is eating me up. 

Not my photo. Taken from kdrama fever. 

I have a prescribed anti-anxiety medication that I take on cases that I feel that the attack is just too much.  It does not reset me but the prescribed medication is there to calm me.

On Tuesday, I took it because I felt so uneasy and my heart was palpitating a lot.  On Wednesday (yesterday), I was okay but I got so overly distracted with one meeting after the other, loud voices, people talking at the same time that I cannot concentrate at all.. In the end, I took another pill.  And today, I was presenting, and it started well but in the course of the presentation, maybe because I spoke fast again, my heart starting pounding and accelerating.  And I was unable to relax from then.  I had to leave the meeting 2x and even had to request my line manager to answer some questions on my behalf.  I took half of my anti anxiety pill which took effect immediately.  

This has been a challenging week so far.  I am sad why this is happening more frequently and why I am unable to deal with it correctly.  I understand that this is a process and I have to consistently breathe, breathe and experience breathing.  But I was unable to do it while I was going through the attack stage.  I am feeling black, blue and beaten.  I embrace the sadness that is engulfing me right now and eventually I will move on.  

Not my photo. Taken from the internet.  

I am writing this down to alleviate the pain and the sadness that I am feeling inside.  I am very grateful for my line manager who has been so super understanding with me and my condition.  This pains me a lot because I am an excellent trainer, I have great presentation skills and it has happened 3x that I got strong palpitations during important meetings.  I know I will get over this, will recover.  I just have to be patient, consistent and to believe that I can overcome this. 

At this point I feel like crying and I know crying helps me gets rid of these negative emotions... In spite of this, I close my eyes and I still feel the unwavering love of my God and of my family and friends and the support of my workmates. 

Not my Photo. Taken from the Internet... 

This is just a test, a challenging phase and I am hopeful that I will get over this.  

Thank you my Lord and my God.  And thank you to you for reading this and for understanding my feelings through this post.  Take care!!!