My struggle is real.. I am dealing with personal anxiety. It is not obvious as I try to always exude a positive, optimistic and cheerful disposition on the outside but I have been going through symptoms of anxiety. And I am seeking professional help to assist me in dealing and overcoming with my personal anxiety.
I do not know how this all started. But the symptoms came in strong since August 2017.
1. I remember during our summer family getaway, in the banquet hall while eating, I felt the urgent need to just get up and get out of the banquet hall. I felt cold, my energy was down (all of a sudden) and my heart was beating fast. I ended up leaving the dining hall with my son, leaving my husband alone on our table as he had to finish his meal.
2. My son and I were doing our grocery and while we were in the one hallway looking for the grocery item, I felt cold, holding on to my son´s hand, we moved from one hallway to another, until I left the grocery cart in one corner and told my son that we are leaving the grocery. I still remember my son asking me what was wrong and why I was behaving strangely. He looked so puzzle.
3. One autumn evening, I was having a great time with my friends and we were walking, when all of a sudden my hands turned sweaty and my face started to sweat as well and I felt again the energy drop. I had to politely leave them and they were very generous in understanding my situation.
4. Recently, and it has happened several times, I am conducting conference calls with our USA counterparts and in the middle of our conversation, I felt short of breath, I felt like drowning. I also had a moment last week, in the middle of a very important management meeting and I was presiding the meeting, I felt that my heart beat just zoomed and I kept on swallowing and drinking from my bottled water. I had to excuse myself from the meeting to go to the ladies room and whisk water into my face. The meeting was a success though praise God. I told a close colleague about what had happened to me.. And he said that it was not obvious at all, that I did a very good job and he added in jest that he would have had anxiety as well had he been the one addressing the questions of the senior management.
I had to outline a few of these events to give concrete symptons - sweating, accelerated heart beat, sudden energy drop, sudden change of body temperature.
As they have been quite recurring, I finally sought medical help, as my husband had advised me to do so. All with the intention to understand how to combat these occurrences in my life.
I was told by my medical team - psychiatrist and psychologist that anxiety happens, anxiety is not depression and anxiety is sometimes caused by stress levels triggered by exhaustion, busy schedule, so many things happening at the same time. It may sound so easy to comprehend as we all know this by heart, but sometimes, we get too busy that we forget to take care of our mental health. I take these anxiety events as my body´s calls/pleas/reminders that I need to slow down. So many have happened in the last decade - permanent move to Spain, learning a 3rd language, battling winter which is all new to me, dealing with difficult personalities to survive in the corporate world, motherhood, household and many other things.
I am learning to meditate. Everyday, I find a time to connect to myself, my quiet time, my me time. I am also finding a sport or a physical activity that will help me divert my attention and my stress. My psychologist is teaching me breathing techniques to help me relax when any of these situations happen again. I am exhausted so I try to be more relaxed especially in during stressful related situations. I am a very organized, methodical and routine stickler. Like everyday, I wake up, I prepare our family´s breakfast, get ready for work and when I get home, it depends on the day, I do some household chores. As my husband had mentioned, I need not do all of those things by myself. Aside from delegating, I should also be patient when my hubby will be able to execute the household tasks at his convenience. I am also learning to adapt to this lifestyle of delegating, being patient and asking help.
I know I still have a really long way to go but I am doing my best to take it easy. And I putting all my faith and hope to my Lord God, my Saviour. I know He is the best doctor and He will heal me.
I am writing this down, aside from my personal small contribution regarding mental health issues, I am hopeful that one day, I will look back and say that I have overcome this sad stage of my life that made me afraid, but really afraid... And in the meantime, my heart is content and grateful that I have a strong support system and I will always cling on to my God´s healing mercy. Thank you Papa Jesus...
Thank you.
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